Thursday, January 14, 2010

Since there isn't an appealing topic to write about, I'll do a follow-up...

I've decided to create my own teams, as well. Or rather who I'd select.



Eric Fehr - WSH
Why doesn't he see more ice time? 12:00/game is 3rd-line minutes and he's just shy of putting up first line numbers. He always finds his way onto my NHL 10 fantasy draft teams so he must be the real deal.

Tomas Fleischmann - WSH
I'm sure glad that Detroit gave this guy up five years ago. Something tells me that I wouldn't appreciate him as much if he suited up in motown regularly. I'm sure Bud Lynch wouldn't appreciate having to pronounce his name every night, either.

Rich Peverley - ATL
Something tells me that even if he put up 142 goals and 239 assists this season, people still wouldn't give him enough attention.

Michael Frolik - FLA
He'll break out eventually. I'll look a little less idiotic when he does.

Steve Downie - TB
I hate Steve Downie. I put him in here to give me a reason to stop drooling over how awesome this Eastern roster is so far.

Brian Gionta - MTL
Best player under 3 feet tall ever.

Dean McAmmond - NJ
Always one of my favorite players. Quick, grows a mean blonde beard, and has become forgetful now that he's in his 60s. I'm sure this will make it easier to put him on a line with Downie.

Niclas Bergfors - NJ
Cannon of a shot. Swapped the syllables in his last name in order to avoid confusion with former all-stars.

Mark Recchi - BOS
HAHA! Just Kidding!

Mike Fisher - OTT
Will he be able to destroy Carrie Underwood's car if she cheats on him? Hopefully not, she needs a way to make it to my house on those long weekends. ;)

David Krejci - BOS
In our second installment of "Better Than", David Krejci is better than Ales Hemsky and Tomas Kablerle, among others.

Nazem Kadri - TOR
Just in case this all-star game makes it to a shootout, they'll have someone who can make Western goalies look silly.


Dennis Wideman - BOS
I think this roster needed another shootout star.

Andy Greene - NJ
Three Devils on the all-star team? Pretty crazy, I'm sure.

Marc-Andre Bergeron - MTL
He can add the Eastern All-Stars to his list of teams. Could he challenge Mike Sillinger's record of 74 NHL teams?

Keith Ballard - FLA
They need a true homerun-hitter on the point. Is it true that T-Vo already has 20% of his hearing back?!

Stephane Auger - REF
They'll appreciate this if Burrows makes the Western squad.

Brendan Witt - NYI

Once got in a car wreck without a car.


Scott Hartnell's Hair - PHI
Good luck getting through that mess.

Ttuuuukkkkaa Rraasskk - BOS
Good luck breaking through those flying milk crates.

Jonas Gustavsson - TOR
Good luck finishing the game without an irregular heartbeat.

First Alternates:

Alexander Ovechkin - WSH
You know what to do.

Brett Jones - BoS
Once slid for three minutes straight, blocking 32 shots in the process and breaking through seven layers of knee skin.



Ryan-e Clow-e - SJS

Every cast needs a slow-moving tanker. The Tomas Holmstrom of the Pacific will fit that role juuuust fine.

Saku Koivu - ANA

Did have cancer. Still has game.

Dustin Brown - LAK

His 302 hits per game would be useful in an All-Star game, right?

Nigel Dawes - CGY

Every All-Star team needs a "sniper" like Nigel Dawes, right? Such a great shot, but it comes out less often than the Culver Moon.

Dustin Boyd - CGY

Every All-Star team needs a second line center, right? That's what he is... a second line center... I'm sure.

Alex Burrows - VAN

Dumb move, kid. Did you see who's on the third pairing for the East? Go ahead, rat me out; I'll get you back in the playoffs.

Patrick Sharp - CHI

I'm going to go ahead and say he'll be the captian of this Western squad. He'll snipe in at least three Top-Sharp-Cheddar-Cheeses over Hartnell's locks. He's just that good.

Derrick Brassard - CBJ

On pace for another 90 point season... wait, nevermind.

Mike Comrie - EDM

If this opens up the opportunity for some Duff-on-Underwood-on-Senior romance, this pick is a no-brainer.

Denise Richards - E!

One of the many Richard to come together this season. She surely accumulated the most points out of any of them, based on her extremely high ratings on channel 28 at 3:00 AM.

Andy McDonald - STL

Remember when he used to be really good? Good enough to defeat the Senators in the Cup Finals all by himself? So do I... =[

Ryan Smyth - LAK

Cried in a press conference when he found out that he would be leaving the Kings to join the Western All-Stars.


Sami Salo - VAN

In our third installment of "Better Than", Sami Salo is better than Peter Schaefer.

Brent Sopel - CHI

How does Chicago win any games with this guy on their backend? I put him on this roster with the hope that Downie throws a crushing elbow/headbutt/skate blade at him to keep him out for the season. I'm sure he's a good guy, but he belongs with St. Louis in the AHL.

Jack Johnson - LAK

Does a great job defending with that guitar and those sandals.

Mark Giordano - CGY

His family sure makes a great deep-dish pie. Best in Chicago.

Brett Lebda - DET

He sure makes a great floor mat. Best in Detroit.

Traffic Cone - SJS

Oops... I actually meant to say Rob Blake.


Marty Turco - DAL

Best goalie in the league today, and ever. I'm sure Sven will agree that the West will win this game with a shut-out because of Mr. Perfect.

Marty Turco - DAL

Did I mention how awesome this guy is? Just making sure.

David Bozynski - MFYF

Almost as good as Marty Turco.

First Alternates:

Rory Fitzpatrick - FA

He gets my 100,000 online votes.

Kevin Westgarth - Professional Hockey Pl... I mean, Manchester Monarchs

Seeing things clearly means I can see that this guy is an All-Star candidate.

Jesse Hall - Team U.S.A. '94

Team U.S.A./The Mighty Ducks gave up a major offensive cog when Hall did not follow Charlie and the gang to Eden Hall. Now projected to be around 29 years old, I'm sure that Mr. Hall still has plenty of gas left in the tank and at least one All-Star appearance left in him.

There you go. Justified everone've 'em.

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