Sign me up!

How do I sign up for this promotion? I want to be the next lucky fan!

You know in sporting events when a lucky fan is chosen each game, and if the home team accomplishes a certain specified task, they'll win a prize? For example, the Detroit Tigers have the Belle Tire Blast zone, where I believe a lucky fan will win a set of tires if a Tigers player hits a home run and the ball hits the sign. It's a pretty big sign that hangs right past the wall, and though it's obviously not likely to happen, it has happened before, and there's a definite possibility. Well, over at GM place, the lucky Canucks fans have a similar contest. (At this point I should note that I actually can't find this online anywhere, but I swear to God this is what I heard when I was watching the Canucks/Sharks game.) Here's how it works.

One lucky fan is chosen, and if a Canucks player scores five goals in a game, the fan will then have a chance to win a million dollars.

How exciting! A million dollars?!?! That's awesome! That's a lot of money! How can they possibly afford to give all those people a million dollars?!

Seriously??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????This is actually serious?????????????????????????????????? This isn't a joke????????????????????????????LOL Butter???????????????????


Let me get this straight. I'm not sure I understand. If a Canucks player scores five goals...in a game... FIVE GOALS...not three, not four, but FIVE GOALS in ONE GAME, a lucky fan now has A CHANCE to win a million dollars. My guess is they must be put in a name drawing with the rest of the winners of this contest throughout the season, because they can't afford to just be giving people a million dollars over and over every game. Here's a question: What if TWO Canucks players score five goals or more in the same game? Does the lucky fan become eligible to win TWO MILLION dollars?! Oh, didn't think of that one, did ya?

Ya know what? I'm gonna go ahead and predict that nobody on the Canucks will score five goals tonight(I know by the time anybody ever reads this, the game will be over, but at this moment the second period has just started and all-star goal scorer Kyle Wellwood has the lone Vancouver goal in a 1-1 game. I'm gonna say that he's probably not going to get four more tonight, since he has two goals so far this season). I'm actually gonna get really crazy and predict that nobody on the Canucks will score five goals in a game ALL WEEK! I'm willing to make a friendly wager of money/belongings for any that are interested in disagreeing with my prediction, and you can see what I'd be interested in wagering here.

Scoring five goals in a game is rare. It has happened 59 times in the history of the NHL by 43 different players. It's happened once (Gaborik, 2007) since Sergei Fedorov did it in 1996. And guess what? A Canucks player has never done it.

It just seems to me like that might be a bit of a ridiculous idea that will likely not happen this season. I mean I guess it's possible, but I would suggest the idea of giving away $1,000 if a player scores a hat trick being a better promotion, and even that is pretty rare. There have been two Canuck hat tricks on home ice since the lockout: Bertuzzi on 11/13/05 against Detroit, and Burrows on 03/27/06 against LA.

But don't let those silly numbers sway you. Logic and statistics are for losers. My offer still stands. Let me know.