Showing posts with label Trades. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trades. Show all posts
Friday, March 31, 2017
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The trade deadline expired today
so let's make fun of a couple people!
First up, Darren Dreger...GIMME SOME NONSENSE!
When looking at who came away as winners on Trade Deadline Day, I think you have to mention the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Edmonton Oilers, with an honourable mention to the Carolina Hurricanes.
Carolina got zilch for The Wizard. I suppose it may've had something to do with his no-move clause, but at this point, send him to wherever he wants to go get anything in return. But I'm sure big double-D is going to justify his sentiment later in this piece.
He goes on to talk briefly about Pittsburgh. They made a nice move getting Ponikarovsky. No issue there.
For the Edmonton Oilers, you look at the swap of Olympians with Lubomir Visnovsky for Ryan Whitney.
Whitney isn't the offensive player that Vishnovsky is, but Whitney is a bit younger and has the potential to develop with some of the youth that exists in the Oilers organization. Perhaps that's key in the process too because it is all about the rebuild in Edmonton through the draft and free agency, and Whitney will be a big piece of that rebuild.
I have two bananas. One is getting a little brown for my liking, but still probably tastes pretty good. The other I just pulled out of the bunch and is plenty ripe and also I rammed it up my constipated asshole. GIMME THE RIPE.
When Whitney was getting top power play time in Pittsburgh, he put up some cute numbers. Easy to do when 3 of the game's best players are standing there waiting to either pass to or receive a pass from you. In Anaheim, he's been more-or-less invisible. By the time the Oilers complete the re-build, Whitney will be Visnovsky's age.
Also, I am a huge fan of giving yourself the odds. Is there an "H" in Lubo's last name? Just spell it once with and once without, that way you'll be 100% right 50% of the time one way or the other!
Another aspect of this deal is the finances. If you look across the board for Edmonton, truly this is why they are a winner. They could have as many as 10 draft picks this year and with expiring contracts, as much as $10 million to spend on unrestricted free agents.
Indeed the finances of this deal is another aspect. If you look across the board for Edmonton, truly this is why this was really fucking stupid. Whitney is due $4.5, $5, and $5.5 mil over the next 3 seasons. Lubo is due $6/$5/$3. After that both become UFAs. Whitney, over the next 3 years, is actually more expensive than Visnovsky. So unless Edmonton's big "rebuilding plan" is expected to take place ONLY next season, then this is double stupid. You got a lesser player who you'll have to pay more in the long run.
And yeah, they sure do have some "expiring contracts" which include but is not limited to, Sam Gagner, Gilbert Brule, J.F. Jacques, Andrew Cogliano, and Ryan Potulny who are all RFAs after this year, younger than Ryan Whitney and certainly part of their young, rebuilding process.
Unless, of course, we're considering those 10 potential draft choices as part of the process as well. It'll be years down the road before any of them start to make any type of impact. And Ryan Whitney will be well into his 30s by that point. And still bad at hockey.
On the other side of the spectrum is the Vancouver Canucks.
It's difficult on this day to identify a true loser, but the Canucks needed depth up front and didn't get that in Yan Stastny. He'll play in the American Hockey League and does provide depth in the organization.
However, the Canucks desperately needed depth on their backend on the blueline and I'm not sure they get that in Andrew Alberts.
Desperatley needed depth?
Bieksa (who is skating with the team and very close to returning)
Salo
Ehrhoff
Edler
O'Brien
and they sent down Lukowich to make room for Andrew Alberts.
Mitchell being out hurts them, but that's a pretty good blue line. One of the best in the League, I'd say.
The Canucks needed depth up front? Fuck the heck?
Vancouver is T-H-I-R-D in the NHL in goals for. Not third in the conference. Not third in the division. Not third in Canada. Not third from the bottom. Not the nerd on third with the knees like a bird. Third in the National Hockey League of National Hockey. They've got a 20 goal scorer on each line and Demitra who, if they gave individual medals during the Olympics in ice hockey, would probably get my vote for silver (behind Miller.)
And how about that hono(u)rable mention for Carolina? Gonna try and support that one? No, because you can't? OK!
Enough of Dreger's Drivel, let's hear some McKenzie Poppycock!
It was interesting to see the Nashville Predators' approach to the NHL trade deadline.
They had a 140 yards to the hole, over a pot bunker and into a 5-mph headwind. They used an 8-iron and left it pin high but way left and had to 3-putt from 65 feet out. What are we talking about?
The Predators got Denis Grebeshkov from the Edmonton Oilers and it paid immediate dividends, as they beat the Oilers and Grebeshkov provided a goal and an assist.
What a great pick up! If he get's his leg blown off by a Cody Franson slap shot tomorrow, it won't matter. Immediate dividends!
I heart me some Grebeshkov, but one nice game against the Edmontaccidently-still-in-the-league Oilers isn't exactly flattering.
They picked up Dustin Boyd who is a solid NHL forward. As they battle for a playoff spot, that certainly helps.
Yes, having players on the ice and not like at the barber shop or out enjoying a frozen custard certainly helps and, coincidentally by definition, being a forward and playing for the Nashville Predators makes you an NHL forawrd. Great analysis, thank you, Mr. McKenzie.
I really like David Poile. He is given nothing to work with and is able to field a competitive team each season. But I really don't understand this move. It's not like they gave up a ton (4th rounder), but this move just looks like adding bodies to add bodies. Maybe their plan is to replace Tootoo with absolutely anyone. Then, nevermind. Great job, David Poile.
Perhaps most important was what they didn't do, they did not trade defenceman Dan Hamhuis. I think that is an important consideration for the Predators. They could have traded him, and was certainly a market for him, but they decided to hang on to Hamhuis because they want to make a push to make the playoffs.
Word is the Flyers were offering up some fine T-day fixin's for old Honey baked Hamhuis, but Nashville's asking price was too high. Just curious what was on the Thanksgiving day trade table. Some Cran-Briererry sauce? Turkimmo Timonen? Chris Prongreen bean casserole? Some chicken Nodl soup? Draft'd potatoes? Ok, I'm done.
With Grebeshkov, Hamhuis, and Boyd in the lineup, the Nashville Predators are a much better team today than they were a few days ago.
Much better? With a player nobody cares about, a solid two-way defenseman, and a player they already had Nashville is "much" better?
Tough not to give Pittsburgh the nod as the team that made the best moves. Ponikarovsky might really tear it up with the Penguins. I know this shocks everyone who reads this, obviously I like who Phoenix added. Now, it'll depend on how they use them. Stempniak is flexible he can score, he can kill penalties, he can park in front of the net on a power play or play the left point. Wolski has a reputation for being lazy. I don't know how true that is as practice ice is rarely seen.
Don't overlook Atlanta picking up Clarke MacArthur either. He's on pace for 17 goals in just over 14 minutes/game which isn't bad. Same as last season, playing on the 2nd powerplay unit and third scoring line. Put him with some talent and he could blossom.
First up, Darren Dreger...GIMME SOME NONSENSE!
When looking at who came away as winners on Trade Deadline Day, I think you have to mention the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Edmonton Oilers, with an honourable mention to the Carolina Hurricanes.
Carolina got zilch for The Wizard. I suppose it may've had something to do with his no-move clause, but at this point, send him to wherever he wants to go get anything in return. But I'm sure big double-D is going to justify his sentiment later in this piece.
He goes on to talk briefly about Pittsburgh. They made a nice move getting Ponikarovsky. No issue there.
For the Edmonton Oilers, you look at the swap of Olympians with Lubomir Visnovsky for Ryan Whitney.
Whitney isn't the offensive player that Vishnovsky is, but Whitney is a bit younger and has the potential to develop with some of the youth that exists in the Oilers organization. Perhaps that's key in the process too because it is all about the rebuild in Edmonton through the draft and free agency, and Whitney will be a big piece of that rebuild.
I have two bananas. One is getting a little brown for my liking, but still probably tastes pretty good. The other I just pulled out of the bunch and is plenty ripe and also I rammed it up my constipated asshole. GIMME THE RIPE.
When Whitney was getting top power play time in Pittsburgh, he put up some cute numbers. Easy to do when 3 of the game's best players are standing there waiting to either pass to or receive a pass from you. In Anaheim, he's been more-or-less invisible. By the time the Oilers complete the re-build, Whitney will be Visnovsky's age.
Also, I am a huge fan of giving yourself the odds. Is there an "H" in Lubo's last name? Just spell it once with and once without, that way you'll be 100% right 50% of the time one way or the other!
Another aspect of this deal is the finances. If you look across the board for Edmonton, truly this is why they are a winner. They could have as many as 10 draft picks this year and with expiring contracts, as much as $10 million to spend on unrestricted free agents.
Indeed the finances of this deal is another aspect. If you look across the board for Edmonton, truly this is why this was really fucking stupid. Whitney is due $4.5, $5, and $5.5 mil over the next 3 seasons. Lubo is due $6/$5/$3. After that both become UFAs. Whitney, over the next 3 years, is actually more expensive than Visnovsky. So unless Edmonton's big "rebuilding plan" is expected to take place ONLY next season, then this is double stupid. You got a lesser player who you'll have to pay more in the long run.
And yeah, they sure do have some "expiring contracts" which include but is not limited to, Sam Gagner, Gilbert Brule, J.F. Jacques, Andrew Cogliano, and Ryan Potulny who are all RFAs after this year, younger than Ryan Whitney and certainly part of their young, rebuilding process.
Unless, of course, we're considering those 10 potential draft choices as part of the process as well. It'll be years down the road before any of them start to make any type of impact. And Ryan Whitney will be well into his 30s by that point. And still bad at hockey.
On the other side of the spectrum is the Vancouver Canucks.
It's difficult on this day to identify a true loser, but the Canucks needed depth up front and didn't get that in Yan Stastny. He'll play in the American Hockey League and does provide depth in the organization.
However, the Canucks desperately needed depth on their backend on the blueline and I'm not sure they get that in Andrew Alberts.
Desperatley needed depth?
Bieksa (who is skating with the team and very close to returning)
Salo
Ehrhoff
Edler
O'Brien
and they sent down Lukowich to make room for Andrew Alberts.
Mitchell being out hurts them, but that's a pretty good blue line. One of the best in the League, I'd say.
The Canucks needed depth up front? Fuck the heck?
Vancouver is T-H-I-R-D in the NHL in goals for. Not third in the conference. Not third in the division. Not third in Canada. Not third from the bottom. Not the nerd on third with the knees like a bird. Third in the National Hockey League of National Hockey. They've got a 20 goal scorer on each line and Demitra who, if they gave individual medals during the Olympics in ice hockey, would probably get my vote for silver (behind Miller.)
And how about that hono(u)rable mention for Carolina? Gonna try and support that one? No, because you can't? OK!
Enough of Dreger's Drivel, let's hear some McKenzie Poppycock!
It was interesting to see the Nashville Predators' approach to the NHL trade deadline.
They had a 140 yards to the hole, over a pot bunker and into a 5-mph headwind. They used an 8-iron and left it pin high but way left and had to 3-putt from 65 feet out. What are we talking about?
The Predators got Denis Grebeshkov from the Edmonton Oilers and it paid immediate dividends, as they beat the Oilers and Grebeshkov provided a goal and an assist.
What a great pick up! If he get's his leg blown off by a Cody Franson slap shot tomorrow, it won't matter. Immediate dividends!
I heart me some Grebeshkov, but one nice game against the Edmontaccidently-still-in-the-league Oilers isn't exactly flattering.
They picked up Dustin Boyd who is a solid NHL forward. As they battle for a playoff spot, that certainly helps.
Yes, having players on the ice and not like at the barber shop or out enjoying a frozen custard certainly helps and, coincidentally by definition, being a forward and playing for the Nashville Predators makes you an NHL forawrd. Great analysis, thank you, Mr. McKenzie.
I really like David Poile. He is given nothing to work with and is able to field a competitive team each season. But I really don't understand this move. It's not like they gave up a ton (4th rounder), but this move just looks like adding bodies to add bodies. Maybe their plan is to replace Tootoo with absolutely anyone. Then, nevermind. Great job, David Poile.
Perhaps most important was what they didn't do, they did not trade defenceman Dan Hamhuis. I think that is an important consideration for the Predators. They could have traded him, and was certainly a market for him, but they decided to hang on to Hamhuis because they want to make a push to make the playoffs.
Word is the Flyers were offering up some fine T-day fixin's for old Honey baked Hamhuis, but Nashville's asking price was too high. Just curious what was on the Thanksgiving day trade table. Some Cran-Briererry sauce? Turkimmo Timonen? Chris Prongreen bean casserole? Some chicken Nodl soup? Draft'd potatoes? Ok, I'm done.
With Grebeshkov, Hamhuis, and Boyd in the lineup, the Nashville Predators are a much better team today than they were a few days ago.
Much better? With a player nobody cares about, a solid two-way defenseman, and a player they already had Nashville is "much" better?
Tough not to give Pittsburgh the nod as the team that made the best moves. Ponikarovsky might really tear it up with the Penguins. I know this shocks everyone who reads this, obviously I like who Phoenix added. Now, it'll depend on how they use them. Stempniak is flexible he can score, he can kill penalties, he can park in front of the net on a power play or play the left point. Wolski has a reputation for being lazy. I don't know how true that is as practice ice is rarely seen.
Don't overlook Atlanta picking up Clarke MacArthur either. He's on pace for 17 goals in just over 14 minutes/game which isn't bad. Same as last season, playing on the 2nd powerplay unit and third scoring line. Put him with some talent and he could blossom.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The New Albertorkheim Maple Fluckers sure know how to kick off trade season!
March 3rd is quickly approaching. As of last week, we were all likely disappointed at the amount of trades that had graced the headlines of our favorite websites (Hint: the same exact number as Sven Tremendousson's body fat percentage, give or take a few Swiss Rolls and bacon strips here and there). Over two days, though, there have been three significant trades that have turned the Calgary Flames into an entirely new club, Toronto into a three-horse town with no Oates, and the Rangers into a club that I can only dislike more and more with each passing day (my opinion of the Ducks remains untouched and unconcerned).
This leads me to wonder: what kind of deals can we expect within the next month? Who else will become (c)sellers? Who will be available? Will Sidney Crosby pass his record of 437 front-page headlines in regards to his latest tretiary assist? I'm not a doctor; I cannot inaccurately predict these type of things and expect you to pay up once they don't happen. Oh wait, yes I can! Why don't you step into my office and get your change jar ready, my good sir...
So, you want a trade-deadline consultation? You look worried, but fear not! I have all of the answers for you right here on www.TSN.ca/nhl/future (link currently disabled for maintenance, but it works. Trust me, I'm a doctor), which supplies us with a video of the upcoming 2010 trade deadline! Interested? Let's take a look...
Buffering... 3%... 9%... 24%... 82%... 58%... 6%... 74%... 45%... 96%... 3%... completed.
"Welcome folks to TSN's 2010 edition of Tradecentre! I'm Darren Dreger, here via live feed with special guest, also via live feed from Dildo, Newfoundland, HNIC color-commentator, P.J. Stock! As we approach the (insert an exaggerated time here--we can't forget about our teams in Puuwai and Mystery!) deadline, let's take a look back at the significant deals that have taken place through this afternoon. P.J.! Put down your Fruity Pebbles and do some reporting!"
"Mhphh!... sorry about that, Darren! They usually don't ask for me to report on the real stories until they're knee deep in Hennessy and the cameras are turned off! We have some great de-..... to repor... and we'll... a blockbus... ... ..."
"Sorry about that, Stocky! There's too much interference with your feed, it seems. Oh well, he might get his chance next year, folks. Now let's get to those deals!
"The first deal this morning was between the Dallas Stars and PC Performance of the Midwest and it addresses needs of both clubs in dramatic ways. The Stars give up centre Mike Ribeiro and future considerations for the services of finallyfast.com. In finallyfast.com, the Stars Finally! address the Finally! need for Fast! speed through their Finally! roster. The Stars used to be Finally! fast, but now they're only kind of fast. We can Finally! expect Brenden Morrow to Fast! make it through the neutral zone at least once per Finally! shift and Brad Richards Fast! will Finally! finally be able to think quickly enough to Finally! request a trade to a Fast! real Cup contendre. Finally! PC Performance of the Midwest acquires a sly and pesky pest of pests, the perfect Fast! replacement for their Finally! current commercial voice should any THROAT CONTUSIONS occur in the Fast! workplace. This should Fast! give the Stars some Fast! hope to regain their playoff composure as well as Finally! allowing PC Performance to Fast! challenge the Clippers for 16th in the Fast! West. Great trade, all-around! Finally! Finally Fast! Finallyfast.com!
"The next deal came shortly after the Finally! Stars-PC trade and this one really turned some heads. A blockbuster deal involving 29 players saw Tampa Bay give of the services of Martin St. Louis, Steven Stamkos, Ryan Malone, Alex Tanguay, Steve Downie, Kurtis Foster, Jeff Halpern, Victor Hedman, Mattias Ohlund, Andrej Meszaros, Nate Thompson, James Wright, Jeff Wright, Stephane Veilleux, Brandon Bochenski, David Hale, Zenon Konopka, Todd Fedoruk, Paul Szczechura, Poulet Szechuan, Paul Ranger, Ford Ranger, Matt Walker, Mike Lundin, Matt Smaby, Ryan Craig, Radek Smolenak and Blair Jones in exchange for Glen Metropolit and Montreal's 2039 5th round pick. It's obvious to see that Tampa Bay walks away from this deal as the winner, as Montreal tried their hardest to pry Vincent Lecavalier away from this club. Montreal was not willing to agree to Tampa's request of including Travis Moen and Patrice Brisebois into the return package, thus Vinny was not moved. Immediately after this trade, Bob Gainey was seen digging another number '4' into his forearm with a straight blade razor, and Jean Beliveau made the sweet trip to heaven once he heard about Gainey's actions, passing away with a smile from ear-to-Thunder Bay. Great deal for the Tampa Bay Lightning!
"The third deal we're going to highlight saw Wade Redden and Michal Rozsival head to New Jersey in exchange for Pauly D and The Situation. No one likes the Rangers, the Devils or Jersey Shore. Get over it; this trade sucks, folks.
"One team that made cannonball-quality splashes in the trade pool today was the Ottawa Senators. Not only did the Senators acquire eight players through multiple trades, they chose to sign multiple free agents that would be included in deals as trade bait. Brian Murraythhhhh is being widely criticized for his actions, seen by many as sacrificing the integrity of player contracts and general interests, but we'll see what results of these deals through the next couple of months. The deals include:
1. Ottawa trades D Filip Kuba to Carolina for D Joe Corvo.
2. Ottawa trades RW Alexei Kovalev to Detroit for RW Patrick Eaves.
3. Ottawa trades RW Shean Donovan to Edmonton for C Mike Comrie and 34-C Hilary Duff.
4. Ottawa signs Oleg Saprykin to a 1-year, $550,000 deal. Immediately after, they trade Saprykin to New Jersey for Dean McAmmond.
5. Ottawa trades Matt Carkner to Colorado?... right? for the rights to Discount Preissing.
6. Ottawa trades Chris Campoli to New Jersey for newfound Guido, Wade Redden.
7. Ottawa trades a Fathead of Vincent Lecavalier to Montreal for Andrej Meszaros.
"These deals all appear very strange from an anal-yst's perspective. We were able to contact Brian Murray via Skype from within his self-patented 'Penner-Perry-Getzlaf proof' bunker, located conspicuously behind the golden Mike Commodore statuary in the far corner of his Scotiabank Place office."
--"How can you criticithe uth for thethe (these) dealth? The 2000-and-theven playoffth are quickly approaching and we've added a thpectacular group of playerth, thome great men and woman that will puthh uth to Cup contendre thtatuth (status). We were pertheived ath that talented of a club in 2000-and-thix yet we came up thhort. Thith ith the higher level, the netht thtep (next step), and we're ready to puthh for the 2000-and-theven Thtanley Cup. Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... (Shhhh...)"
"Despite detailed reasoning from Finally! Brian Murray, we feel that all of these trades are steps in the wrong direction for what has been a consistant Senators team through this point of the season. They're going to drop to 14th place in the East, undoubtedly.
"And with those trades happening at (x-hour):59:59 PM, we have moved past the trade deadline and there are likely no more deals to repor--... hold on, folks! Stocky's feed is coming back in and he appears to be very anxious to tell us something! What'cha got for us, Stocky?"
"Darren! You're not going to believe this latest deal! Costco has offered the services of Family-Sized Kellogg's Honey Smacks cereal box to me, P.J. Stock, in exchange for $8.98. Within this deal, Kellogg's also included a conditional coupon that could be good for one to THREE boxes of Family-Sized Honey Smacks at $6.00 a piece in 2011! I definitely feel that I made out as the winner in this deal, as I can keep my bowl filled all the way through October for only half of my yearly salary! Let's break this trade down further, Darren. As a buyer in this year's market, I wa--... the best retur--... Cocoa Pebble--... ... ..."
"Aw, shoot, folks. We lost P.J. again. While I'm sure everyone is interested in our latest deadline deal, we're all out of time here at TSN. Thank you for tuning into TSN's 2010 tradecentre and be sure to log on to www.tsn.ca/nhl for all of the details, reviews and opinions on these trades as well as poorly constructed videos of fantasy news by our own bobblehead, Scott Cullen. Have a good night, folks! Fast! Finally! Finallyfast.ca!"
One inaccurate trade-deadline consultation: $8,500,000 a year for the next seven years. Would you like to pay cash or credit, Mr. Kovalchuk?...
This leads me to wonder: what kind of deals can we expect within the next month? Who else will become (c)sellers? Who will be available? Will Sidney Crosby pass his record of 437 front-page headlines in regards to his latest tretiary assist? I'm not a doctor; I cannot inaccurately predict these type of things and expect you to pay up once they don't happen. Oh wait, yes I can! Why don't you step into my office and get your change jar ready, my good sir...
So, you want a trade-deadline consultation? You look worried, but fear not! I have all of the answers for you right here on www.TSN.ca/nhl/future (link currently disabled for maintenance, but it works. Trust me, I'm a doctor), which supplies us with a video of the upcoming 2010 trade deadline! Interested? Let's take a look...
Buffering... 3%... 9%... 24%... 82%... 58%... 6%... 74%... 45%... 96%... 3%... completed.
"Welcome folks to TSN's 2010 edition of Tradecentre! I'm Darren Dreger, here via live feed with special guest, also via live feed from Dildo, Newfoundland, HNIC color-commentator, P.J. Stock! As we approach the (insert an exaggerated time here--we can't forget about our teams in Puuwai and Mystery!) deadline, let's take a look back at the significant deals that have taken place through this afternoon. P.J.! Put down your Fruity Pebbles and do some reporting!"
"Mhphh!... sorry about that, Darren! They usually don't ask for me to report on the real stories until they're knee deep in Hennessy and the cameras are turned off! We have some great de-..... to repor... and we'll... a blockbus... ... ..."
"Sorry about that, Stocky! There's too much interference with your feed, it seems. Oh well, he might get his chance next year, folks. Now let's get to those deals!
"The first deal this morning was between the Dallas Stars and PC Performance of the Midwest and it addresses needs of both clubs in dramatic ways. The Stars give up centre Mike Ribeiro and future considerations for the services of finallyfast.com. In finallyfast.com, the Stars Finally! address the Finally! need for Fast! speed through their Finally! roster. The Stars used to be Finally! fast, but now they're only kind of fast. We can Finally! expect Brenden Morrow to Fast! make it through the neutral zone at least once per Finally! shift and Brad Richards Fast! will Finally! finally be able to think quickly enough to Finally! request a trade to a Fast! real Cup contendre. Finally! PC Performance of the Midwest acquires a sly and pesky pest of pests, the perfect Fast! replacement for their Finally! current commercial voice should any THROAT CONTUSIONS occur in the Fast! workplace. This should Fast! give the Stars some Fast! hope to regain their playoff composure as well as Finally! allowing PC Performance to Fast! challenge the Clippers for 16th in the Fast! West. Great trade, all-around! Finally! Finally Fast! Finallyfast.com!
"The next deal came shortly after the Finally! Stars-PC trade and this one really turned some heads. A blockbuster deal involving 29 players saw Tampa Bay give of the services of Martin St. Louis, Steven Stamkos, Ryan Malone, Alex Tanguay, Steve Downie, Kurtis Foster, Jeff Halpern, Victor Hedman, Mattias Ohlund, Andrej Meszaros, Nate Thompson, James Wright, Jeff Wright, Stephane Veilleux, Brandon Bochenski, David Hale, Zenon Konopka, Todd Fedoruk, Paul Szczechura, Poulet Szechuan, Paul Ranger, Ford Ranger, Matt Walker, Mike Lundin, Matt Smaby, Ryan Craig, Radek Smolenak and Blair Jones in exchange for Glen Metropolit and Montreal's 2039 5th round pick. It's obvious to see that Tampa Bay walks away from this deal as the winner, as Montreal tried their hardest to pry Vincent Lecavalier away from this club. Montreal was not willing to agree to Tampa's request of including Travis Moen and Patrice Brisebois into the return package, thus Vinny was not moved. Immediately after this trade, Bob Gainey was seen digging another number '4' into his forearm with a straight blade razor, and Jean Beliveau made the sweet trip to heaven once he heard about Gainey's actions, passing away with a smile from ear-to-Thunder Bay. Great deal for the Tampa Bay Lightning!
"The third deal we're going to highlight saw Wade Redden and Michal Rozsival head to New Jersey in exchange for Pauly D and The Situation. No one likes the Rangers, the Devils or Jersey Shore. Get over it; this trade sucks, folks.
"One team that made cannonball-quality splashes in the trade pool today was the Ottawa Senators. Not only did the Senators acquire eight players through multiple trades, they chose to sign multiple free agents that would be included in deals as trade bait. Brian Murraythhhhh is being widely criticized for his actions, seen by many as sacrificing the integrity of player contracts and general interests, but we'll see what results of these deals through the next couple of months. The deals include:
1. Ottawa trades D Filip Kuba to Carolina for D Joe Corvo.
2. Ottawa trades RW Alexei Kovalev to Detroit for RW Patrick Eaves.
3. Ottawa trades RW Shean Donovan to Edmonton for C Mike Comrie and 34-C Hilary Duff.
4. Ottawa signs Oleg Saprykin to a 1-year, $550,000 deal. Immediately after, they trade Saprykin to New Jersey for Dean McAmmond.
5. Ottawa trades Matt Carkner to Colorado?... right? for the rights to Discount Preissing.
6. Ottawa trades Chris Campoli to New Jersey for newfound Guido, Wade Redden.
7. Ottawa trades a Fathead of Vincent Lecavalier to Montreal for Andrej Meszaros.
"These deals all appear very strange from an anal-yst's perspective. We were able to contact Brian Murray via Skype from within his self-patented 'Penner-Perry-Getzlaf proof' bunker, located conspicuously behind the golden Mike Commodore statuary in the far corner of his Scotiabank Place office."
--"How can you criticithe uth for thethe (these) dealth? The 2000-and-theven playoffth are quickly approaching and we've added a thpectacular group of playerth, thome great men and woman that will puthh uth to Cup contendre thtatuth (status). We were pertheived ath that talented of a club in 2000-and-thix yet we came up thhort. Thith ith the higher level, the netht thtep (next step), and we're ready to puthh for the 2000-and-theven Thtanley Cup. Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... (Shhhh...)"
"Despite detailed reasoning from Finally! Brian Murray, we feel that all of these trades are steps in the wrong direction for what has been a consistant Senators team through this point of the season. They're going to drop to 14th place in the East, undoubtedly.
"And with those trades happening at (x-hour):59:59 PM, we have moved past the trade deadline and there are likely no more deals to repor--... hold on, folks! Stocky's feed is coming back in and he appears to be very anxious to tell us something! What'cha got for us, Stocky?"
"Darren! You're not going to believe this latest deal! Costco has offered the services of Family-Sized Kellogg's Honey Smacks cereal box to me, P.J. Stock, in exchange for $8.98. Within this deal, Kellogg's also included a conditional coupon that could be good for one to THREE boxes of Family-Sized Honey Smacks at $6.00 a piece in 2011! I definitely feel that I made out as the winner in this deal, as I can keep my bowl filled all the way through October for only half of my yearly salary! Let's break this trade down further, Darren. As a buyer in this year's market, I wa--... the best retur--... Cocoa Pebble--... ... ..."
"Aw, shoot, folks. We lost P.J. again. While I'm sure everyone is interested in our latest deadline deal, we're all out of time here at TSN. Thank you for tuning into TSN's 2010 tradecentre and be sure to log on to www.tsn.ca/nhl for all of the details, reviews and opinions on these trades as well as poorly constructed videos of fantasy news by our own bobblehead, Scott Cullen. Have a good night, folks! Fast! Finally! Finallyfast.ca!"
One inaccurate trade-deadline consultation: $8,500,000 a year for the next seven years. Would you like to pay cash or credit, Mr. Kovalchuk?...
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