Let's play a game! It's called Wheel of Fortune!
Dacque: My turn!
Travis: Wanna buy a vowel?
Dacque: No thanks Travis, I'm a greedy mother fucker, and I'm gonna spin!
*Dacque spins the weeel...it goes around, and around, and around once more. Dacque drinks muscle milk, so his arms have become longer. Having longer arms helps in this game because it adds more torque to the spinning process, causing the wheel to spin for a ridiculous amount of time(see: Jim Sears and joe jelinski). Finally, after twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds, it starts to slow down. Eleven minutes and pi seconds later, it finally stops its slowing process and lands on "miss turn." Bad luck Dacque!
Dacque: Aww, shucks! I can't believe my bad luck! Good thing I have this "free spin" token I obtained earlier in the show! I'll use it!
Travis: Wanna buy a vowel?
Dacque: No, Mr. Zajac, shut the hell up already, I already bought a vowel! I made this bed, now I got nowhere to lay-dies and gentlemen, try and understand! I'm spinning this bitch!
*Dacque spins the wheel once again. After two cigarettes, four commercial breaks, and some alone time with Vanna White(they have similar political views), he finally watches the wheel land. $600!
Dacque: Give me an H Vanna! Show me what time it is!
*Of course, a screen lights up and Dacque is awarded $600 of potential earnings.
Travis: Wanna buy a vowel?
Dacque: Hell no! I'm gonna solve this puzzle! The answer is...."Go Tuck Yourself In!"
*Bad luck, Dacque! That is incorrect!
Dacque: Aww, shucks! I can't believe my bad luck! I used to have a "free spin" token I obtained earlier in the show! I've already used it!
stuffwithattitude: WELCOME TO STUFF WITH ATTITUDE, HOME OF THE FUNNIEST AND MOST ORIGINAL DESIGNS ON THE INTERNET. UP FOR SALE IS AN AUCTION ENTITLED CANUCKS BOO HATE HOCKEY FAN VANCOUVER TEE SHIRT jersey.
Travis: Wanna buy a vowel?
stuffwithattitude: WHY PAY BIG BUCKS FOR A THROWBACK JERSEY WHEN YOU CAN GET THIS UNIQUE TEE FOR AN AWESOME PRICE! BECAUSE APPARENTLY THIS UNIQUE TEE SERVES AS AN ADEQUATE SUBSTITUTION FOR A THROWBACK JERSEY! WE CAN CUSTOMIZE THIS DESIGN FOR ANY TEAM NICKNAMES IN ANY SPORT, INCLUDING FOOTBALL, BASEBALL, BASKETBALL, HOCKEY, SOCCER, RUGBY, LACROSSE, VOLLEYBALSABRES!!!L, ETC. SO IF YOU HAVE A SPECIAL REQUEST JUST EMAIL ME AND I WILL MAKE SURE IT IS LISTED. I'LL SOLVE! THE ANSWER IS..."FUCK THE SCREWY TUSKERS"
*Ding ding ding! stuffwithattitude has solved the puzzle! stuffwithattitude has won the game! Any final comments, stuffwithattitude?
stuffwithattitude: PLEASE LEAVE US POSITIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR PURCHASE. IF THERE IS ANY PROBLEM WITH YOUR ORDER WHATSOEVER WE WILL WORK DILLIGENTLY(SIC) TO FIX IT. ANY ERROR OR PROBLEM OR BLUNDER OR GLITCH OR MISCUE OR OMISSION OR DILEMMA OR DISAGREEMENT OR OBSTACLE OR WORRIMENT ON OUR PART WILL BE RESOLVED 100%, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE CHARGED FOR RETURN POSTAGE ON OUR MISTAKE. THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY RETURN POSTAGE IS IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG SIZE. THAT IS WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO CHOOSE THE CORRECT SIZE. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE NEUTRAL OR NEGATIVE FEEDBACK, ALLOW US THE OPPORTUNITY TO RESOLVE ANY ISSUE! REMEMBER TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT SIZE. IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG SIZE WE WILL NOT RESOLVE YOUR PROBLEM 100%, AND YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR RETURN POSTAGE ON YOUR MISTAKE. PLEASE LEAVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE NEGATIVE OR NEUTRAL FEEDBACK! PLEASE MAKE SURE TO LEAVE US FEEDBACK THAT IS POSITIVE! PLEASE LEAVE AFFIRMATIVE FEEDBACK! PLEASE LEAVE FAVORABLE FEEDBACK! PLEASE LEAVE APPROVING FEEDBACK! PLEASE LEAVE AMICABLE FEEDBACK! PLEASE MAKE SURE TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT SIZE, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU CANNOT EXPECT US TO WAIVE THE RETURN POSTAGE FEE, BECAUSE IT IS YOUR FAULT 100%! WE EXPECT PAYMENT IN A TIMELY MANNER, AND IF YOU HAVE ZERO FEEDBACK PLEASE REMEMBER TO PAY QUICKLY AS THIS IS HOW TO ESTABLISH A GOOD RATING ON EBAY. WE'LL RATE YOU HOW WE PLEASE, AND WE WILL NOT ALLOW YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO RESOLVE ANY ISSUE, BUT PLEASE LEAVE US POSITIVE FEEDBACK! IF THERE IS ANY PROBLEM WITH YOUR PAYMENT WHATSOEVER YOU HAD BETTER WORK DILLIGENTLY(SIC) TO FIX IT, AND EVEN THEN WE WILL LIKELY GIVE YOU NEUTRAL OR NEGATIVE FEEDBACK!
* The following answer is under review! A few minutes pass by, and the final verdict is determined.
*After reviewing the play, the answer has been determined to be a good correct answer! What a nerves rattling ending to this game!
Dacque: Aww, shucks! I can't believe my bad luck!
If this wasn't so funny, I'd bitch and Stephon Wine about how this has absolutely nothing to do with hockey.
ReplyDeleteBut it's hilarious, so nevermind.
Don't you know? Elephant polo is the new hockey. I know you're aware of this. You must have had too many Dave Beers before you read that post, otherwise you would have known. You Chris Can'tWell just accuse me of posting unrelated material.
ReplyDeleteShame on you.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT! Although, I must say that there is an error. You should've had to buy that H. All your $600 are belong to Senior!
ReplyDeleteYou noticed that, right? I think it's strange that the shirt is messed up, rather than the description of the shirt.
I know, I was going to buy one because it would have been hilarious, but when I read the description I realized that I might actually get a shirt that said F_CK TH_ C_N_CKS and that would be a huge waste of my money.
ReplyDelete