Words I Hate and Other People Moments.

Sometimes you read a word and that word might not immediately crack your brain eggs and scramble them about, but they at least grease the pan. "Tie" in combination with "Domi" is one example. Today, that word is "clutch".

Look, no one denies the existence of a clutch goal or a clutch performance, but to say a certain player is "clutch" and "always comes through" is simply nonsense. I'm not going to go off on why because I shouldn't have to. If you are a good player, you'll be good when it matters. If you aren't a good player, you'll be as good as you are in any situation. The ability to suddenly improve because it's more important is ridiculous. What is keeping these players from being this good all the time? Wouldn't you want to be good all the time if you had the ability to suddenly get better?

Jason Botchford likes clutch players.

For generations, one creature which has seemed to elude sports statisticians is the clutch performer.

A cryptic statement. Techincally, a clutch performer is someone who gives a clutch performance. That is pretty easy to statistically represent. This guy had 2 goals in a Game 7, I would call him a clutch performer, for that game. Let him play 5, 10, 82 more game 7s and we'll see how many 2 goal performances he has. I'm guessing somewhere south of 5, 10, and 82. But maybe not. He's clutch!

Crunching numbers — even Derek Jeter’s, Michael Jordan’s and Mark Messier’s — has yielded the same results for stat geeks that cryptozoologists have turned up in their search for Ogopogo.

Classic, man, classic! Or like the Gaylord Ponderosa's search for the Wolfman. Ice cream was everywhere.

Maybe if you're Canadian this makes more sense, but I'm not so I'm going to make fun of what is to me an obscure and unfunny reference.

People are sure they’ve seen one, but proving it with hard evidence has proved to be difficult. Are clutch performances accident or ability? A state of mind or timing and circumstance?

Jase, my man, you're getting so close to logic and understanding, I'm not sure I can take it. You're so close to cognition. Don't stop now!

“Obviously, there is [such a thing as clutch performers],” Vigneault said. “When you’re up by 4-2 and you make it 5-2 and 6-2, those goals really don’t mean a lot.

Obviously? Is it really that obvious? Well, if you buy into the nonsense, then maybe your team doesn't have any.

“What do you do for us when the game is 2-2 or you’re down by a goal or you’re up by a goal? Can you make the difference?

This reads like an ad for the military. What can you do for your country? Can you be all you can be? JOIN THE ARMY.

“That’s when you can tell the difference [and see] a professional, a clutch player, and a guy who wants to be out there.

Let's run down the roster and see if we can spot any professionals or clutch players.

Ryan Kesler - American. Hates hockey. Likes Jersey Giant. Unprofessional.
Henrik/Daniel Sedin - Twins. Unprofessionally European and therefore hate hockey.
Roberto Luongo - 0 career game winning goals. Unprofessionally cries after playoff losses.
Kyle Wellwood - Ate the puck once. Waited until game was over so he wouldn't be called for a delay minor. Not a pro.
Alex Edler - Said, "No" when asked do you want to be out there.
Willie Mitchell - Canadian. Not very good at offense. Uses a long stick, very unprofessional.

Sorry 'Nucks fans, you're fucked.

The Canucks lead the league in “those goals [that] really don’t mean a lot.”

So, when they're up by 3 should they just pack it in? Ya know what they should do? Get up by 3 and then shoot 2 in their own net with under a minute left! That'd make that 6th goal worth something dammit!

They’ve also played the fewest one-goal games — just eight, and they are 4-4. “So far this year, we’ve either won real big or we haven’t been able to get those [clutch] performances,” Vigneault said.

“But at the end of the day, I think we have those players. We have the goaltender who can make the timely saves. We have the players, whether it be up front or on D, who can be those players in key moments.

The team is +14 in goal differential. Sounds like they are getting unlucky. It has less to do with 'clutch performances' and more do to with a sample of 30 some games and being on the unfortunate side. Having 0 OT losses is pretty remarkable.

“We have done it in the past. If you look at our record in the past, they’ve all been one-goal games. For whatever reason, right now, we’re just on the wrong side of that.”

Wow, way to waste this whole clutch blackhole by admitting you have no idea what is really going on.

"For whatever reason" - Canucks fans, this is your coach.

Vancouver had pressure moments late in games against Chicago, San Jose and Carolina. There were chances to get those games into overtime. But each time, the Canucks failed to make something happen.

And last night, they couldn't tie it against Nashville late either. Cannot believe they couldn't handily beat those chump teams Chicago and San Jose. Ryan Rypien where were you??!?! Nashville is 10-3-1 in their last 14. Carolina I'll give you, but that's just one game.

This season, the Canucks have scored seven goals in the last five minutes of games, excluding empty-netters.

It’s good for 12th in the NHL. But the only one which mattered was Mikael Samuelsson’s game winner Oct. 21. None of the others won or tied a game.

Useless information.

“The games we’ve been losing lately, these are the kind of games we need to push to overtime,” forward Alex Burrows said.

“If we lose in a shootout or overtime, at least we get a point.

I once asked Alexandre Burrows if he knew NHL rules regarding overtime points, his response?

"I KNOW HIM"

Um...ok...you know him?

"I KNOW HIM"

Ok.....all right.

“There are a few guys in the league, who have that gift, who make things happen when it matters most. They are able to step up at the right moment. And right now, that’s what we need to do.”

Can you name them, Alexandre? Who Sidney Crosby? Alexander Ovechkin? Malkin, maybe? Henrik Winnerberg? Certainly not Hossa, but any of those other players would qualify. You know what else? They are all star players. They are great players and great players play great whether it's Game 7 or it's tonsil hockey on blueberry hill. Nobody thinks this guy is clutch or great (except for this guy). Let's all just get off the clutch boner, mmmkay! :)