It is with lukewarm pleasure and even murkier expectations that I begrudgingly emerge from the shadows of the real world to introduce to you, fair reader, the latest, greatest, most douchebaggiest contributor in the Internets long history of meta sports criticism criticism..........MARBLES!
Please, please save your applause for when we shut the blog down.
He likes kittens (but not puppies) and Black Cherry Faygo. WELCOME ABOARD, KIDDO!
Showing posts with label Ray Whitney Ford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ray Whitney Ford. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Oddly Specific
Comparing player statistics can be fun. If it's not fun, then it sure is a decent way to pass the time. While on a long drive to the Gay Shitpee Ford dealership in Saginaw, I came across this statistic in the Senators-Lightning game summary:
Lightning forward Martin St. Louis is the only player in the league to register at least 85 points and 55 blocked shots this season.
It would be something if he had some competition in this situation. Only the Willards and Stamkoast have more points than St. Louis, and 14 more forwards have more blocked shots, with the most relevant player in comparison being Ryan Kesler (64 points, 71 blocks). Stop grouping these statistics together! Actually, let me give it a try, instead.
Coyotes forward Radim Vrbata is the only player in the league to register exactly 10 power play goals and 35 hits.
Penguins forward Matt Cooke is the only player in the league to register 6 short handed points and 5 whatever-nine-times-murder-would-bes.
Red Wings defenseman Jonathan Ericsson is the only player in the league to wear the number 52, so clearly that makes him the best player to wear the number 52 this year, right?
Bar forward Wally Krzemien is the only player in the league to
Blades of Steel forward Dave Willard is the only player at Monroe Skateway to register 37 post shots, 15 awkward falls, and 66 forfeited passes to Andrew Kupski.
Light Beer accessory Skinny Jean is the only clothing item to be kind of in... right now. HEAAAAAAAH!
Wild forward Martin Havlat is the only player in the league to register 21 garbage goals and to give Sven boners on a daily basis.
I'm getting carried away.
Lightning forward Martin St. Louis is the only player in the league to register at least 85 points and 55 blocked shots this season.
It would be something if he had some competition in this situation. Only the Willards and Stamkoast have more points than St. Louis, and 14 more forwards have more blocked shots, with the most relevant player in comparison being Ryan Kesler (64 points, 71 blocks). Stop grouping these statistics together! Actually, let me give it a try, instead.
Coyotes forward Radim Vrbata is the only player in the league to register exactly 10 power play goals and 35 hits.
Penguins forward Matt Cooke is the only player in the league to register 6 short handed points and 5 whatever-nine-times-murder-would-bes.
Red Wings defenseman Jonathan Ericsson is the only player in the league to wear the number 52, so clearly that makes him the best player to wear the number 52 this year, right?
Bar forward Wally Krzemien is the only player in the league to
register a .25 BAC while posting 204 Facebook statuses in one game.
Red Wings foward Johan Franzen is the only player in the league that has been kicked in the mouth by Oiler thoroughbred Taylor Horse.
Blades of Steel forward Dave Willard is the only player at Monroe Skateway to register 37 post shots, 15 awkward falls, and 66 forfeited passes to Andrew Kupski.
Light Beer accessory Skinny Jean is the only clothing item to be kind of in... right now. HEAAAAAAAH!
Wild forward Martin Havlat is the only player in the league to register 21 garbage goals and to give Sven boners on a daily basis.
I'm getting carried away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)