Updated Standings: Fantasy 2014 Playoffs

Check out how far behind me you all are below...until the last week, when Andrew passes me.

The race for 3rd place

For those that are new to this, the URL automatically updates when I make changes. I have a time/date of most recent update at the bottom of the first tab so you can see how current the standings are. Geez...who am I? Dave Willard?

Thank You, Jebus.

If the playoffs were to start today, cool things would happen. Also, not cool things would happen. Cool things like Dallas, Columbus, Minnesota & Tampa all making it to the big dance.  Not cool things like Philadelphia and Detroit also making it to the no-pants party. One not cool thing in particular would happen however, Vancouver wouldn't make it. 

Now, lets talk about all the reason why Vancouver wouldn't make it. Or just list them, either way.

• Zac Dalpe has only 7 points in 54 games, c'mon Zac!
• Yanin Sauve only has 0 points in his three games, as some bands road manager said once when lead singer John Willard Monak quipped about the inauspicious-ness of Occam's Razor, "Get your shit together Yanin!"
• Goalie, Joacim Eriksson has a 10.00 GAA in 36 minutes of playing time. Spent some time at Puckgozynski's Goalie Camp this summer did we?
• Benn Ferriero doesn't have any short handed points in two appearances this season. The FUCK man!

And that's it. No other reason for them potentially not making it aside from these bums.

In other news, Toews is sitting for the rest of the season with, from what I've been told John, an upper penile injury. Now, my source didn't say whether or not by upper they meant closer to the base or tip so, mystery unsolved.

Also, Jake McCabe will forgo his senior season at Wisconsin after signing a deal with the Sabres. He's coming off a career best 25 point season, eight of those being goals! Move over Tyler Myers, this guy is ready to NEVER PLAY IN THE NHL, is what we would be saying if he was on any other team but Buffalo, HA!

Matt Duchene is out for 4 weeks after his face was stuck from chugging mega cock.

Till next time, stop sending me boob pics.

-Marbles

Moves Like Malkin, part 11 minus 6.

What's two balls minus one? No cups for Buffalo!.... wait... no, that's right!

Perhaps they're including warm-up ice time in this figure. More likely, they're just too busy chewing on their own lips to realize how unintelligent they appear.