Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Beer. NHL Draft. Boston Wrong. Accurate Predictions.

I must say, fellas, we put out some solid material this season! The six blog posts that span from the end of the lockout until the moment I decided to see if our site had been shut down from inactivity congeal into a beautiful tale of everything this compact season had to offer.  Did anyone else see that Ovechkin surpassed his offensive projection for this season? INSANE!

Today, as we recover from the delirium of last night's spectacle (I always vomit whenever Bryan Bickell scores a goal), I've already grown impatient waiting for next season to start. In order to satisfy that empty feeling, I have some jerk chicken in the oven.  Until that's ready, I guess I'll make some predictions about this Sunday's NHL Draft... yes, it'll be this Sunday.  I AM THE PROPHET.

Since I haven't signed up for Twitter to find out the latest trade buzz regarding this year's draft picks (specifically to discover which GM will be savvy enough to grab all three of Calgary's first round picks in exchange for a Shop Vac, heavy duty sponges, and Jaroslav Mo-Dry), my predictions will follow the constraint that no picks will be moved. Without further ado, and with my dinner starting to brown, let's hurry this shit along.

1. Colorado Avalanche select C Nathan MacKinnon, Halifax (QMJHL)
While this pick doesn't make much sense with regard to organizational depth, enough articles have been posted suggesting that the Avalanche will make this offensive wunderkind their first selection.  MacKinnon has been exceptionally productive through his past two seasons in the Q and took his game to an elite level by potting a hat trick to help secure the Memorial Cup for his Mooseheads back in May.  A fantastic set of hands complement his dynamic skating ability, and is seen by many--particularly some retired NHL stars in Denver--as the can't-miss prospect in this draft.

2. Florida Panthers select D Seth Jones, Portland (WHL)
I actually had the (dis)pleasure of seeing this kid play while I visited Portland in December.  Portland spotted a respectable 57-12-1-2 record this past season, and I experienced one of those elusive regulation loses from the front row of the Rose Garden.  Knowing this big, mobile, offensive blueliner was all the rage leading up to this draft, I kept my eyes on him.  Whether from the weight of my eyeballs or his Beats by Dre headphones, Jones' performance was unimpressive.  This, alone, is why he will fall to the #2 pick in this draft.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning select LW Jonathan Drouin, Halifax (QMJHL)
Martin St. Louis likely only has eight or ten season left under his belt.  When the day finally comes that he retires due to lack of interest and competition, Drouin could make a great replacement.  His vision and playmaking abilities are exemplary, which means great things for Tampa's snipers.  Expect five (career) goals from Radko Gudas if this kid can stay with the Bolts all season.

4. Nashville Predators select C Aleksander Barkov, Tappara (Fin.)
After somehow managing to finish the season with an entire ECHL roster, now is the time for Nashville to find their first NHL-caliber forward since 2007.  Barkov has the ability to dictate the tempo from game to game and provides a strong net presence, often leading to offense on his behalf.  He was a top performer in SM-liiga as a 17-year-old and will likely be Nashville's top performer as an 18-year-old.

5. Carolina Hurricanes select LW Valeri Nichushkin, Chelyabinsk (KHL)
Extremely skilled Russian.  Russians are scary and hate the NHL.  Alex Semin can speak Russian.  Problem Solved. 

6. Calgary Flames select C Sean Monahan, Ottawa (OHL)
After shipping out (Ha! Get it?! SHIPPING OUT... because of the flood... ... ...jerks) their most-recent face of the franchise (so unfortunate that Bouwmeester couldn't make it to the semi-finals), Calgary is in need of a player around whom they can rebuild their decrepit roster.  Monahan probably won't be that player, but he has been a consistent 2-way forward in the OHL for three seasons and shows a lot of upside.  He also possesses a reliable scoring touch and provides great leaderSHIP (this pick seems like more of a guarantee by the minute).

7. Edmonton Oilers sele...

Shit, my chicken is ready.