Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oddly Specific

Comparing player statistics can be fun. If it's not fun, then it sure is a decent way to pass the time. While on a long drive to the Gay Shitpee Ford dealership in Saginaw, I came across this statistic in the Senators-Lightning game summary:

Lightning forward Martin St. Louis is the only player in the league to register at least 85 points and 55 blocked shots this season.

It would be something if he had some competition in this situation. Only the Willards and Stamkoast have more points than St. Louis, and 14 more forwards have more blocked shots, with the most relevant player in comparison being Ryan Kesler (64 points, 71 blocks). Stop grouping these statistics together! Actually, let me give it a try, instead.

Coyotes forward Radim Vrbata is the only player in the league to register exactly 10 power play goals and 35 hits.

Penguins forward Matt Cooke is the only player in the league to register 6 short handed points and 5 whatever-nine-times-murder-would-bes.

Red Wings defenseman Jonathan Ericsson is the only player in the league to wear the number 52, so clearly that makes him the best player to wear the number 52 this year, right?

Bar forward Wally Krzemien is the only player in the league to
register a .25 BAC while posting 204 Facebook statuses in one game.

Red Wings foward Johan Franzen is the only player in the league that has been kicked in the mouth by Oiler thoroughbred Taylor Horse.

Blades of Steel forward Dave Willard is the only player at Monroe Skateway to register 37 post shots, 15 awkward falls, and 66 forfeited passes to Andrew Kupski.

Light Beer accessory Skinny Jean is the only clothing item to be kind of in... right now. HEAAAAAAAH!

Wild forward Martin Havlat is the only player in the league to register 21 garbage goals and to give Sven boners on a daily basis.

I'm getting carried away.

Friday, March 11, 2011

But during first intermission, his shot percentage is only 0%.

During the Lightning/Senators game tonight, play-by-play announcer Dean Brown proved his ability to tackle complex problem-solving scenarios with this bit:

Steven Stamkos is 12th in the league in shots, with 232 coming into this game. The irony is, and this is probably why he is the leading goal scorer in the league, of the top 12 guys in the league, guess who has the highest shooting percentage? And it's Steven Stamkos.

First of all, there's no irony in that statement. None. Look up the definition of the word irony. Why is that word so hard for people to understand? Second of all, no fucking shit. You've grouped him with 11 other people who have taken more shots than him. He has more goals than anybody else in the league. More goals, fewer shots.

Check it out. I'll make a list of my own. Below is a list of players and their shot/goal totals thus far:

Barret Jackman: 61 shots, 0 goals.
Anton Volchenkov: 58 shots, 0 goals.
Liam Reddox: 53 shots, 0 goals.
Filip Kuba: 52 shots, 0 goals.
Marc Methot: 43 shots, 0 goals.
Steven Stamkos: 232 shots, 42 goals.
Colin White: 42 shots, 0 goals.
Bruno Gervais: 39 shots, 0 goals.
Kyle Quincey: 39 shots, 0 goals.
Aaron Rome: 39 shots, 0 goals.

Ironically, out of this list of players, Stamkos has the highest shooting percentage. Go figure.