Sunday, August 22, 2010

The King hath returned.

I've been catching a belly full of Hell from my fellow blogettes recently. And fair enough, it has been some time since I last posted. But it's the summer and the NHL doesn't have as much going on. Plus, my usual blogging computer was limited in the services it offered which didn't afford me convenient blogging opportunities.

Well, for now, those days are over. So let's make fun of someone.

You know it’s nearly August when Max Talbot saying he hates Alex Ovechkin before calling him a “real douche” while on Pittsburgh radio to promote the Winter Classic gets more publicity than the fact the Pens and Caps will actually play the Winter Classic Jan. 1 at Heinz Field. But that’s the way things go during the dog days of summer in NHL Land.

::panting:: Trying to...catch my....breath...from that....run-on sentence. Whew. Ok, yeah. First sign of nearly August: Max Talbot is on the radio.

So Talbot has added some fuel to what is essentially the best recent rivalry in hockey. But the question is which is the better team? In my mind there’s one clear answer: Pittsburgh.

Sure, there's an argument to be had there. It goes something along the lines of more depth, especially defensively. And, yes, I'll even say better goaltending.

Obviously Washington can boast oodles of talent – you don’t win the Presidents’ Trophy by eight points and score 45 more goals than the next best team without good players. But a loss to the Pens in Round 2 of the 2009 playoffs and an ouster at the hands of Montreal in the opening round last April proved the Capitals vulnerable.

And then Pittsburgh showed their veteran poise and captaincy and leadership and grit and heart and hustle and grind and eye-fire and eye-look and North American and put the whooping on Montreal in the very next round.

Also, what a blowout series that was in 09, too. I bet if they played game 7 in 2009 over and over and over again, Pittsburgh would always win. You think anything can happen in game 7?! That isn't why they play the game.

While Pittsburgh did lose to those same Canadiens one round later last May, the Pens also have a run to the 2008 Cup final and the 2009 Cup itself under their collective belt, no small feat in this day and age of NHL parity.

Why, pray tell, mention the Montreal series at all? It doesn't help your argument, which I may've mentioned earlier (I can't recall), and then you openly admit it.

And it took Pittsburgh 3 consecutive seasons of playoff qualification to win the Cup. Last year was Washington's third, so I guess they are a year behind the curve. I understand they lack a deep playoff run in "this day and age of NHL parity" but how much parity is there really? There are more teams than 15, 25, 50 years ago. With 6 teams and a lopsided system for obtaining amateur players, yeah, there might be some imbalance.

Pittsburgh, of course, has one or two talented players itself. But the Penguins’ post-season successes have steeled them to the rigors of hockey in springtime; they know how to win when it counts. Run ’n Gun will get you far in the regular season, but playoff hockey is a game unto itself. And the Caps have yet to learn how to play it.

How about explaining why? No? Yeah, fuck that. All you have said thus far, Mr. Grigg, is that Pittsburgh wins in the very shortened post-season and Washington does not. Is that your argument as to why the Penguins are a better team? That's wafer thin, sir. Or this is a monumentally long set up to the evidence. I'm biting my nails with anticipation.

Now, this may be Washington’s year. This could be the season Ovechkin’s sublime skills net him more than just the individual accolades he’s become accustomed to. This could be the year Alexander Semin starts going to the net and Mike Green remembers he’s a defenseman. But I don’t think so. Although Washington is still a team to beat in the East, Pittsburgh is the team to beat.

Sven: John Grigg, will this be Washington's year?
JG:This may be Washington’s year.
Sven: Oh, you think so?
JG: But I don’t think so.
Sven: Why not?
JG: But I don’t think so.
Sven:: Wait. You don't think so or you don't think you don't think so?
JG:: Washington is a team to beat.
Sven:: Well, uh, yeah, I guess. As are the Ducks, Thrashers, Bruins, Sabres, Flames, Hurricanes, Blackhawks, Avalanche, Blue Jackets, Stars, Red Wings, Oilers, Panthers, Kings, Faygosota Wild berry, Canadiens, Edmont-accidently-still-a-team Oilers, Devils, Rangers, Islanders, Flyers, Coyotes, Blades of Steel, The Landfill, Here a team, there a team, everywhere a team team, Rossman Health Care, KOYO Heat, Kyoto Heat, MSE, My Fist Your Face, LAGNAF, Salon Joelle, Rob Deer Pro Shop, Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, and the Penguins.
JG:: The Penguins are the team to beat.
Sven: You might be dumb.

Sorry, Caps fans. But the team you watched wilt under pressure in the post-season – the one that refused to go to the hard areas of the ice and fired volley after volley from the outside – is the same one GM George McPhee, so far, has on the 2010-11 menu. And that despite more than $5 million in cap space to play with.

First off, we don't know if Washington has a self-imposed salary cap. No one is looking at Atlanta and saying, "C'mon, you dumbass bums. You've got over $22 MILLION in cap space! Sign everyone!" We might assume that Washington has a limit, but then we make an ass out of John Grigg.

Also, again, we saw Pittsburgh "wilt under pressure" as well. Having 2 games to eliminate the daunting physical presence of the oversized Montreal Canadiens and failing to do so.

Yes, I know, Washington ran into the hottest goalie of the playoffs in Jaroslav Halak, but the team scored once – Once! – with the man advantage in 33 opportunities and lost to a squad that finished 26th in goals-scored with 103 fewer during the regular season. The Caps did manage 17 scores in a three-game span that series, but when the offense was silenced, the defense and goaltending was exposed.

In the final two games of the Montreal/Pittsburgh series, Pittsburgh was 1/11 on the power play including 0/6 in Game 7. Small sample size be damned. 8/28 in the series all together. But get this, their "defense and goaltending was exposed" no matter how the offense did. 7 game sample! Hoorah!

And that’s essentially the same defense and goaltending that’s back for another kick at Stanley’s can again this year. Not good enough, especially when your two current goaltenders have a total of 19 games of NHL playoff experience and zero beyond the second round.

Unlike the goalies in the 2010 Cup finals, who I think each have 19 CUPS. Fleury had 25 invaluable, experience-gaining games before the '09 playoffs and 5 before the '08 playoffs when Pittsburgh lost in the finals. Then there's Emery in '07. And Ward and Roloson and Markkanen in '06.

Pittsburgh, meanwhile, suffered a similar fate against the Habs; the difference being GM Ray Shero went out and did something about it. Rather than overpay the aging Sergei Gonchar to stick around, Shero first took a stab at Dan Hamhuis by trading for his negotiating rights, then inked Paul Martin and Zbynek Michalek.

While those two aren’t the flashiest of names, Martin is smart as a whip and about as underrated as they come, while Michalek is a hard-nosed, defense-first, shot-blocking machine. All of a sudden, Shero has assembled a blueline that looks more like the ones the Pens had in the 2008 and ’09 post-seasons than the one that crumbled in Round 2 of the 2010 playoffs. Couple that with Pittsburgh’s strength down the middle and the Pens are once again looking like the class of the conference.


Paul Martin is fast becoming one of those players where it is mention so often that he is underrated he is now overrated. Paul Martin is a what you see is what you get kinda player. He's decent. He's not going to be Gonchar on the power play and now there might be some injury potential there, just as there is with Sergei.

Also

08 Penguins Playoff defensemen: Gill, Gonchar, Letang, Orpik, Scuderi, Whitney
09 Penguins Playoff defensemen: Gill, Gonchar, Letang, Orpik, Scuderi, Eaton
10 Penguins Playoff defensemen: Goligoski, Gonchar, Letang, Orpik, Eaton, Leopold

That's a turnover of 2 each season. And Martin/Michalek > Gonchar/Leopold? Probably. Yeah. Nice job, Ray Shero.

That’s not to say everything is perfect with Pitt, there’s still a dearth of scoring wingers and bottom-end blueline depth, and not a lot of money to rectify those problems. But GM Ray Shero has shown a knack in the past for working those sorts of problems out as the season rolls along.

In the meantime, I’ll take Sid, Geno, Jordan, Fleury and the Pens’ blueline over Ovie, Backstrom, Semin and Green anytime – except in my regular season fantasy league.


Oh, you'll take 10 players over 4? Are you sure?

For the 09/10 record:
Ovechkin+Backstrom+Semin+Green=370 pts.
Sid+Geno+Jordan+Fleury+the Pens' blueline=401 pts.

Having 4 players seems unfair, but then when you look at it...

I still can't believe this guy used the Montreal series' in his argument. Pittsburgh is probably a better team and signing Martin and Zbynek were well moves. Washington only has 6 defensemen under contract and there has been major talk of them trading Fleischmann for either Bieksa or Souray which would certainly upgrade them at the back end.

Anyway, for now, I'm back.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Here's my team.

Ok. I decided to draft a team. Here it is.

Editor's note: This post is REALLY lame. Apologies in advance. I'm bored though.


1. Ron Mallinger-Detroit Dragons- Game changer. He's pretty good.
2. Angry Jonathan Toews-Ice Men- He's not very nice. But man, is he good.
3. J.P. Swint-Wheat Eaters/Raw Doggers- Not a very good goalie, from what I hear.
4. Flash Man-Kyoto Heat/Megaman 2- You always need a skilled enforcer on your team. When you need a helping hand, he'll be there. Immediately.
5. Allen Park Jesus-The Landfill- Better hold your breath!
6. Logs-Ice Men- What a pleasant man. A real class act.
7. AJ the league director-Here a team, there a team, everywhere a team team- He'll play for any team at any time, really. It's always nice to have the law on your side.
8. Wally-The Bar- He'll have a few before the game, have a few after the game, he'll even have a few during the game. There's nothing wrong with that is there? Hopefully the league director won't notice he's on the team.
9. Cooper-Blades of steel- Look. The dude paid the entire team fee. So what if he wants to double shift himself? Plus, he's got real chemistry with Wally. Don't you know they were on a team together when they were three years old? Chemistry is important. It helps out your Intangible Resourcefulness Rating to Exhibit Game Altering Rational Demonstrations of Leadership Excluded from Scoring Sheet.
10. Scotty Sock Puppet-The Emergency Room- 1-2-1-2-3!
11. Brett Jones-Team AREYOUBLIND?!?!?!- He'll slide all over the place in the name of defense. Just don't make any ruling that doesn't go in favor of his team. Seriously. Don't.
12. Logs-Belle Tire- What a pleasant man. A real clas...What? He can be on two teams at the same time but he can't be on one team twice?
13. Jeff Wright-The Mighty Bomb Jacks- A solid 2-way forward who can play the point on the power play.
14. Tom DeLonge-Blink 182- He fucked your mom. And he wants to suck his dad, and his mommy too.
15. Subhumans-Undrafted- He's bringing back the dump and chase.
16. Ketchup-The Dangleberries- If we can pull him from his game against the 7-year-old kids at YP, he'd be a real asset to our team.
17. Vic-UFA- A quality back-up goalie is always a key element to a contending team. He'll stand on his head to keep the game close. Either that or he'll fall on his head skating to the other side of the rink between periods.


That's all folks. There's my fantasy hockey team. Last time I checked, a fantasy hockey team had 17 players, not 22. Make sure to keep checking back for mid season "drafts" and replacement players due to injury. As long as Scotty Sock Puppet is in the league, you can rest assured(and in peace) that IR slots will be needed.


I had 180 dollars left over after drafting my team, but unfortunately I had to spend it on 24 IDS Pro-Shot pucks throughout the season since Ketchup stole them all. Therefore, I'm left with $2.16.

I know nothing about stick and puck. This time I'll talk about stick and ball.

Armando Galarraga pitched against the Indians tonight. The last time he squared off against them it ended up being a memorable evening. This is what he had to offer about that game in an interview tonight.

“I will always feel happy about that game—it was a great moment for me,” Galarraga said. “I’d change the last call so I pitched my perfect game, but I’d never change anything else about that day.”


Would you? That's bold, Armando. Thanks for that.


Sorry, but that's all I've(That sounded like Sven. Something has to I guess. He sure doesn't anymore. Yeah. I called you out.). If I get bored I'll come up with my fantasy hockey roster, but don't count on it.

My paycheque has suddenly become more significant!

What's that, boss? WOW! A paycheque of $252.71!? Just think of all of the things I can buy now! Maybe I could treat all of my friends to a meal at Denny's! Maybe I could eat four meals worth of Denny's all by myself! Or, perhaps I could buy thirty-four IDS Pro-Shot pucks and lose them all at tonight's game! Oh my goodness, I know what I'll do! I'll buy some star hockey players at super-low prices from ESPN-Mart! Always low prices! Always!

Unfortunately, I realized that I had to buy a few things (USA Hockey InLine Registration, Authentic Joe Thornton Bruins Jersey, Membership Fee for the Yves Racine Fan Club) so I'm left with only $180.00 to spend on my favorite players. Since I want a full team (twenty-two players), I have to find the players with the best value. Based on their pricing scale, let's come up with the best team possible based on my extensive knowledge of fantasy hockey!

Editor's Note: To keep things fair, I have kept this in a fantasy league format. Each pick represents a round and, obviously, I am only allowed to pick one player in each round. Following the flawless format of my colleagues, this is an assumed twelve-team format, which means I will be picking one of every twelve players on average. I have also reduced my budget to $180.00 as a result of the more spaced out selections. Does that make sense? No? Get over it. It's August and I'm delusional.
Team: Hamilton Dingos

1. Steven Stamkos, 4th ranked forward, $26; remaining budget - $154: While I really would have loved to have Ovechkin, I didn't feel like paying $6 more for the same amount of production in a far less attractive package. With Stamkos, not only do I get explosive offense, but I get a baby face to go with it! What a steal!

2. Marian Gaborik, 18th(!?) ranked forward, $18; remaining budget - $136: I tried buying Kovalchuk instead, but his barcode was all scratched up so I had to put him back in the FA aisle. They offered me a discount on Gaborik as a result of the inconvenience.

3. Patrick Marleau, 22nd ranked forward, $18; remaining budget - $118: This sale irritated me. I kept getting pestered with the "for one dollar less, you can walk away with the 5th ranked goaltender, Jimmy Howard!"offer. Much like this previous season, I'll try my luck with having solid offense and mediocre (if not, unproven) goaltending.

4. Bobby Ryan, 32nd ranked forward, $16; remaining budget - $102: I was a bit disappointed with this pick. I was expecting Joe Thornton to still be available once I saw Ryan's name at this price range. Can you believe that Thornton is ranked twelve forward spots ahead of him!? Quite the bunch of nimrods they have on that ESPN fantasy staff.

5. John Tavares, 39th ranked forward, $14; remaining budget - $88: Without a witty or insulting comment to compliment my pick with besides, "How the FUCK is Christian Ehrhoff the 10th highest-rated defenseman in fantasy hockey~!~@>!~?" I feel that Tavares could have a sophomore year similar to Stamkos' in 2009-10. He appears to be the player with the most potential at this point in the draft. That being said, if Ehrhoff is the 10th ranked defenseman, who do I have to look forward to as my first defensive pick? Derek Meech?

6. Tuukka Rask, 8th ranked goalie, $12; remaining budget - $76: With more than half of my budget allocated to six players, I should change my team name to the Chicago Blackhawks (or the New York Rangers if I feel that winning is overrated). Rask may still be trying to prove himself as a number one goaltender, but the potential is there for him to have a strong season in Boston; whether it be from a high number of wins based on the Bruins' offensive gains during the offseason, or perhaps from a higher save percentage based on the Bruins' absence of a legitimate second and third pair of NHL defensemen. It could go either way, but he has too much talent to have a horrible season.

7. Ales Hemsky, 54th ranked forward, $10; remaining budget - $66: It seems that every year, people forget that Ales Hemsky is a talented hockey player. I mean, 36-point-man Derrick Brassard is ranked higher than Hemsky this season (as well as Spezza, Briere, Lecavalier, Vanek, and everyone else that is better than him beyond his ranking, which is every single player available). His health is always an issue, but based on the five forwards I have already, it's not as if I would lose all of my production if he finds the IR again.

8. Kimmo Timonen, 17th ranked defenseman, $9; remaining budget - $57: While he didn't live up to my expectations as a fifth round pick last season, Timonen is a very consistant defenseman. He provides a decent amount of offense and a sufficient amount of hits and blocked shots to go with it. He's a below average first d-man for fantasy's sake, but every fantasy team has their shortcommings (unless you're Sven, in which case you'd place in first every year even if Derrick Brassard is on your roster).

9. Wojtek Wolski, 76th ranked forward, $8;remaining budget - $49: I waited far too long to draft a left-winger. Fortunately, Wolski has the potential to break out in Phoenix and become a star performer. Again, nothing witty or insulting here; just a solid pick at this point in the draft.

10. Shea Weber, 21st(!?!?!?!?) ranked defenseman, $8; remaining budget - $41: It's idiotic to assume that Weber would fall this low. If such was the case, I would take him in a heartbeat. Realistically, I would likely take Claude Giroux, ranked two spaces below Weber.

11. Taylor Hall, 90th ranked forward, $6; remaining budget - $35: Drafting the 2010 1st overall pick could go one of two ways. Either he could perform like recent 1st overall picks (50-60 points), or find a way to perform at a higher level. IRREGARDLESS, Hall is a low-risk, decent-reward option this season.

12. Marc-Andre Fleury, 17th ranked goalie, $5; remaining budget - $30: Another surprisingly low pick, the additions of Martin and Michalek on Pittsburgh's back-end give the Pens the sort of shutdown capabilities that they haven't had since... oh, 2008 or so. There's a solid chance that Fleury and the Penguins will benefit from those additions.

13. Tyler Ennis, 98th ranked skater, $5; remaining budget - $25: An actual high-rish, high-reward situation, Ennis showed flashes of offensive brilliance in his short showing with Buffalo last season. If he can carry any of that over into this season, he has the potential to finish above fifty points, perhaps even higher. It also gives me a reason to say "See! I don't hate Buffalo, you moron! Why would I have a Sabre on my team if that were true!?".

14. Antoine Vermette, 109th ranked skater, $4; remaining budget - $21: It was a toss up between Vermette and 'Nucks left-winger Mason Raymond, but I chose Vermette based on his role with the Blue Jackets. Vermette could be seen as a top-three forward in Columbus, whereas Raymond holds it down on the second line. Even a five point difference is enough of a reason for me to choose Vermette at this point.

15. Ville Leino, 113th ranked skater, $3; remaining budget - $18: Leino was over a point-per-game in the 2010 playoffs. I can't expect him to come close to that this season, but 55 points is definitely possible. Here's hoping he doesn't disappear like he did in Detroit.

16. Marek Zidlicky, 46th ranked defenseman, $2; remaining budget - $16: Cheap and European; just how I like my hookers. Zid is a likely candidate for ten goals and forty points this season. Sounds like a fun time for only two bills. He could teach those skanks on William R. a thing or two on how to treat their owners.

17. David Perron, 129th ranked skater, $1; remaining budget - $14: St. Louis can't be lousy forever. I'm hoping this is the year they do more than get swept in the first round of the playoffs. Perron is a great break-out candidate, for he would be an important part of the Blues resurgance.

18. Bryan Little, 136th ranked skater, $0; remaining budget - still $14: With Atlanta looking for a new offensive leader, look to either Little or Bergfors to step up. Little has the edge in this situation and I wouldn't put it past him to repeat the 31-goal performance he had in 2008-09.

19. Rob Schremp, 143rd ranked skater, $0; same budget: Sven will probably draft him in round nine. I have no chance.

20. Erik Karlsson - 69th ranked defenseman, same figures: I finally get a homer pick! Karlsson finished the season strongly after the Olympics and finished at a point per game in the playoffs. He might benefit from playing the powerplay point with Gonchar this season and could finish above forty points.

21. Michael Frolik - 156th ranked skater, shut up: I drafted him last year in hopes that he would explode. I think I'll do the same thing this year. Don't judge me.

22. Anton Babchuk - 85th ranked defenseman: After ducking out of the LNH for a year, Babchuk finally agreed to a contract that is less than what he is worth. He was explosive towards the end of the 2008-09 season and could become a reliable source of offense for the Hurricanes yet again.

Welp, there you have it, friends! I had a whopping $14 remaining in my budget, which I used to split a case of Mtn Dew and family sized Tostitos chips and dip with Brian up at Young Patriots Park. If you'd like to play the same fun-fun-fun game and draft a dynasty, just respond with your selections in the comments section! Remember to follow the rules above and to honor the $180.00 budget, or else I'll slice your labias clean off.